When Suicide Strikes

 I wrote my first column about suicide in 2010.  As painful as the subject is, I try to address it at least once a year because so many families suffer from the aftermath of its tragic effects.  In many cases, the memory of the person who takes their life is virtually erased.  Unlike other loved ones who die, few mention their name. Friends don’t know what to say.  Comfort is often elusive.

 A reader sent one of my early columns to friends whose son had taken his own life.  They responded, “Thank you.  No one other than our closest relatives, and there are very few left; has mentioned our son’s suicide in conversation or written word since it happened.”   Sadly, the number of families experiencing loss of loved ones to suicide is growing.

 A recent study by the Pentagon reported that the leading cause of death among American servicemen is suicide.  Studying the causes of death among U.S. soldiers between 2014 and 2019, the study concluded that enlisted men were nine times more likely to die from suicide than from enemy fire. During that time period, 883 servicemen committed suicide.

 According to further interviews, the suicide rate among active-duty soldiers has continued to climb since 2019. To date, 55 servicemen have died due to suicide in 2024.   While the military is attempting to stem the suicide trends among service personnel, they note that suicide has been increasing in the general population as a whole, up 37% since 2000. The American Psychological Association reports that more than 20% of youth have contemplated suicide. 

 In his book, A Confession, Leo Tolstoy described his struggle to avoid suicide.  After he had written War and Peace and Anna Karenina, and had skyrocketed to fame and fortune, he fell into deep depression.  Tolstoy wrote “All this befell me at a time when all around me I had what is considered complete good fortune. … in this situation I came to this – that I could not live, and, fearing death, had to employ cunning with myself to avoid taking my own life.”

 Having rejected all religion as a young man.  Tolstoy searched for an answer through the sciences, philosophy and world religions.  He wrote, “I was no longer in the position in which I had been in my youth, when all in life was clear; I had indeed come to faith because, apart from faith, I had found nothing, certainly nothing, except destruction.” 

 “I remembered that I only lived at those times when I believed in God. As it was before, so it was now; I need only be aware of God to live; I need only to forget Him, or disbelieve Him, and I died. … I should long ago have killed myself had I not had a dim hope of finding Him.  I live, really live, only when I feel Him and seek Him. … To know God and to live is one and the same thing.  God is life.”

 Tolstoy became a devout follower of Jesus Christ.  His commitment to follow Jesus in all things led to his later writings that strongly influenced such men as Mahatma Ghandi and Martin Luther King, Jr.  He remained committed in his faith until his death at age 82.

Fathers and Our Future

 I have been reflecting on fathers as we approach Father’s Day next Sunday.  We live in a neighborhood with many young families.  Few sights bring me more pleasure than seeing fathers enjoying their children. Some on walks pushing strollers alongside their wives, the family dog on a leash; others playing catch or shooting hoops in their front yard; some on bikes leading their young families through the park and others splashing amid the squeals of laughter in our neighborhood pool.

 When we moved into our house six years ago, our neighbor directly across the street was a single young man in his twenties.  He had three other guys living with him. But, soon after he met a girl. We had them over for dinner.  They fell in love. The guys moved out and during Covid their wedding was the only public event we attended.  A year later they had a son, and, a year after that, another.  Now he is one of the proud fathers I watch pouring his life into his children.

 Another couple in their early thirties moved in.  The men joined me on our back deck for fellowship and prayer.  The older of the two shared with me that he and his wife had deep desire to for children but  struggled with infertility.  We began to pray.  We prayed for two years.  A year ago, she gave birth to one of the most beautiful baby girls I have ever seen.  Their abounding joy is contagious.  That baby girl has her father wrapped around her little finger.  He can’t stop grinning.

 Occasionally I scan the news: social media, the newspaper, an occasionally newscast on TV.  It is mostly depressing and confusing. But when I watch young families and listen to the laughter of children, my faith is renewed, hope abounds. 

 Last week I watched Scottie Scheffler claim the Memorial trophy at Jack Nicklaus’ signature golf tournament in Ohio.  After he sank his tournament winning putt, he was far more interested in finding his wife and his 1-month-old son than he was in receiving the trophy or shaking hands with the legendary Nicklaus. It was his first win as a father.

 When he launched his career with multiple wins, Scheffler said, “The reason why I play golf is I’m trying to glorify God and all that He’s done in my life. So, for me, my identity isn’t a golf score.” 

 The prophet Malachi foretold the coming of the “forerunner” who would prepare the way for the Messiah. “Behold, I am going to send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and terrible day of the Lord.  He will ^[a]restore the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers,” (Malachi 4:5-6).

 Perhaps Jeremiah’s exhortation to the exiles expresses the hope of our generation and its future: “Take wives and become the fathers of sons and daughters, and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; and multiply there and do not decrease. Seek the ^]welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf; for in its welfare you will have welfare,” (Jeremiah 29:5-7).

Miracles and Mystery

 Five years ago, a robin built a nest in the aspen outside our front window.  Her mate tried to help, but most of what he built she had to redo. Only a female can make a nest a home.  She built it with sturdy twigs twisted together to form a cup in the fork of a limb, then lined it with soft grass and moss, comfortable and warm for the chicks soon to come.

 She sat for two weeks, never seeming to move. Always vigilant.  Always alert.  Smothering the eggs in her warmth, waiting patiently until her babies cracked open the thin blue shells that surround their embryonic beginnings.

 I named her Ethel and her mate, Fred.  Fred has been off singing somewhere, but, when the eggs hatched and the babies raised their beaks and their voices in hunger, he showed up with food for Ethel and the babies!  He did so Saturday June 1.  It was an exciting day, I can tell you! When their feathers grew, he taught them to forage for food and fly to the trees while she built another nest for another brood.

 Each spring they return to where we live and look for one another so she can build another nest and raise some more robins. Who taught them to do this?  How do they know to look for each other each year, and how does she know how to build a nest, lay her eggs and nurture them? 

 I know that some say it is an accident, the result of random chance. That somehow an amoeba evolved into a robin, built a nest and laid some eggs that hatched into little robins and that this has been going on for thousands of years. How did the first robin that laid the first egg know what to do with it?

 It makes more sense to me to marvel that I am surrounded by miracles and mystery.  Life is too complex and too beautiful to exist without a Master Designer who fashioned the first feathers and taught the first robin to fly. 

 In His famous conversation with Job, God asks, ““Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars, stretching his wings toward the south? “Is it at your command that the eagle mounts up and makes his nest on high?  “On the cliff he dwells and lodges, upon the rocky crag, an inaccessible place. (Job 39:26-28).

 Jesus said, “Consider the birds, they neither sow nor reap; they have no storeroom nor barn, and yet God feeds them; how much more valuable you are than the birds!” (Luke 12:24). And, we might add, how much more miraculous you are? God has designed you, made you and declared His love for you.  God says, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you” (Jeremiah 1:5).  “I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3).

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 [BT1]

But, Are We Wise?

Fifteen years ago, I was visiting with my best friend’s seven-year-old granddaughter. She was an unusually bright and gifted little girl.  I said to her, “You are a very smart girl. But, as you grow up, you also need to be wise. Do you know the difference between being smart and being wise?” “Oh yes,” she replied.  “Being smart is knowing that 2+2 equals 4.  Being wise means doing the right thing.”  I thought she nailed it, especially for a seven-year-old. 

 Over the years I watched her grow into an intelligent and beautiful young woman.  Last week she graduated from the University of Texas with a degree in neuroscience with honors.  She was accepted into Southwest Medical school to continue her dream of becoming a neurosurgeon.  With her discipline and intelligence, she has continued to practice wisdom, choosing to do “the right thing.”  She is a devoted follower of Jesus Christ.  Her grandfather will turn 90 this summer on July 4. The entire nation is preparing parades and fireworks to celebrate.

 We continue to advance in knowledge, technology and science, but wisdom seems to be in short supply.  Many, young and old, are struggling through life seeking entertainment, recognition and success but failing to practice the wisdom that chooses the “right thing.”   Artificial Intelligence promises to provide a wealth of information and assistance, but can it make you wise? After all, you are the human being.  Only you can make the choices that lead to faith, fulfillment and love.

 During this presidential election year we need wisdom.  No president in our history demonstrated more wisdom than Abraham Lincoln.  At the end of 1863 he faced decisions that could enhance his chances for reelection, but might not be in the best interest of the country.  Lincoln said, “I have never done an official act with a view to my own personal aggrandizement, and I don’t like to begin now.”  Wisdom always rises above self-interest.

 King Solomon, who was noted for his wisdom, opened his book of Proverbs with these words: “To know wisdom and instruction, to discern the sayings of understanding, to receive instruction in wise behavior, righteousness, justice, and integrity; to give prudence to the naive, to the youth knowledge and discretion.  A wise person will hear and increase in learning, And a person of understanding will acquire wise counsel,” (Proverbs:1:2-5).

 In his second chapter, the wise King wrote, “My son, if you will receive my words and treasure my commandments within you, make your ear attentive to wisdom; incline your heart to understanding.  For if you cry out for insight, and raise your voice for understanding;  if you seek her as silver and search for her as for hidden treasures; then you will understand the fear of the Lord, and discover the knowledge of God.  For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.  He stores up sound wisdom for the upright,” (Proverbs 2:1-7).

 James promised, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given him,” (James 1:5).

Teachable Moments

 We kept our grandchildren for a few weeks when they were 8, 10 and 11.  We normally saw them for a few days two or three times a year.  I felt like Santa Claus, showering them with presents every time we saw them, then disappearing. They lived over 1,000 miles away and we weren’t part of their daily lives. So, we were excited to have a few weeks with them and hoping to have meaningful conversations.

 We enrolled them in Vacation Bible School.  They weren’t excited about Vacation Bible School, but they agreed to give it a try.  They loved it.  On the second day, my wife was doling out one dollar bills to each of them and instructing them to place the dollar in the offering.  Our 11-year-old granddaughter refused to accept the dollar.  “I am going to give my own,” she said, a dollar she had earned the week before.  “Your offering will have a special blessing,” I told her, “because it is your own gift and it costs you something.”  I then told her about the poor widow who gave two small coins. “She has given more than all the rest of them,” Jesus said, “because she gave all that she had.”  When I let them out, she bounced into church clutching her dollar a little more tightly and beaming a little more brightly. 

 The third day I picked them up from VBS and my 10-year-old grandson asked, “Grandaddy, what is a prostitute?”  I hesitated a moment, a little stunned by the question.  I had hoped for meaningful conversations, but this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.  I told him, “A prostitute is a woman who has sex with men for money. Why do you ask?”

 He replied, “I saw a billboard that said, ‘Before meth I had a daughter.  Now I have a prostitute.’  What does that mean?”  (He was one of those kids that reads everything.)  I told him, “That means that someone had a daughter they loved very much who became addicted to drugs and started having sex with men for money so she could buy more drugs.  It is a very bad thing.” 

 The 8-year-old, wanting to be part of the conversation, asked, “What does THAT mean, grandaddy?”  I was saved by his older brother who turned to him and said, “Don’t ask.  It’s inappropriate information for us children.”

 Teachable moments come when they will.  We cannot predict them. It is kind of like playing baseball.  You never know when the ball might be hit your way.  You just have to always be ready to respond in the best way you know how.

 Jesus was the master of using the teachable moment with His followers.  Once a group of men brought a woman to Him who had been caught in the act of adultery.  They stood ready to stone her according to the Law of Moses, but Jesus wrote something in the dirt and challenged them.  “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.”  One by one they dropped their stones and left.  When all were gone Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.”

 Life is filled with teachable moments when God wants to teach us a better way and help us teach our children and grandchildren. 

When The Storm Comes

 Another round of deadly storms are forecast this week for the Southeast.  Millions may lie in the path of devastating tornadoes that could stretch from central Florida to Ohio and Tennessee.  Some school districts cancelled classes due to the risk.  65,000 people were left without power in southeast Louisiana. One woman was killed in Baton Rouge when a tree fell on her mobile home.

 We were at our beach house on Galveston Island a few years ago when a tornado passed over Jamaica Beach.  Our house shook; the windows rattled; hail battered the walls like bullets.  We kept reminding ourselves that the house survived hurricane Ike.  It would surely survive this.

 Galveston is familiar with storms.  The historic Hurricane of 1900 virtually destroyed the city and killed 6,000 people.   Hurricane Ike raked the island in 2008.  The F-1 tornado that passed over Jamaica Beach won’t even appear as a blip on the screen.

 Beach houses on the Island are built for storms.  Years may pass, maybe decades, perhaps a century, but the wind, rain, hail and floods will come.  In Jamaica Beach every house is at least ten feet off the ground built on pilings driven as many feet, or more, beneath the surface to anchor the house on solid soil.

 In the same way, we must prepare ourselves for the storms that can devastate our personal lives.  Loved ones will die.  We will grow old, battle illness, suffer a tragic accident or fall victim to violence.  We are all mortal.

 Jesus ended his Sermon on the Mount with a parable about houses built upon sand and rock.  (He didn’t include anything about houses built upon pilings.  But I guess poles sunk ten to twenty feet into the ground are as strong as foundations built on rock. Our house remained standing and we were still dry.)

Jesus said, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.  Everyone who hears these words of mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall” (Matthew 7:24-27).

We cannot prepare for the storms after they hit.  It is too late.  Preparations must be made months and years ahead.  The storm only reveals the foundation that has already been built.  In the same way, the faith that will carry us throughout life and beyond death is a faith that must be nurtured and established before the trial comes.  This is why Bible study, prayer and Christian fellowship are so important day-by-day and week-by-week. The foundation we build today will sustain us tomorrow.

When I'm 64

 Paul McCartney wrote the song, “When I’m 64” at the age of 16 and later recorded it in 1966. I have listened to it most of my life. I remember reciting the lyrics in my youth, thinking of the inconceivably ancient age of sixty-four. I assumed by then I would be in a nursing home or dead. “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m sixty-four?”  Well, I blew past 64 years ago and, strangely, I don’t feel old or anywhere near incapacitated.

 Every year I spend several days with some of my childhood friends. Several of us were in first grade together in1953.  We have the photos to prove it. While we don’t feel old, and still think of ourselves as we once were in our youth, others apparently think we are old. When we went out to a restaurant together for dinner, the owner took pity on us and gave us a free dessert.

I realize something when I am with my childhood friends. I realize we are all still on the journey. We started this journey together as children in post-World War II. We were the first baby boomers. We didn’t know what that meant. We just knew there were lots of us. We have journeyed through the Sixties, Viet Nam, Flower Power, the Moon landing, Watergate, Floppy Disks, the World Wide Web, the dissolution of the Soviet Union, Desert Storm, the Dot Com Bust, 9/11, Iraq, Afghanistan, the Great Recession and Covid.  

 Our individual journeys have taken different turns and twists. A couple entered the military graduating from West Point and the Air Force Academy, one became a physician, two entered business, one became an educator, one became an Episcopal priest, another a Baptist minister.  We have different political, economic and religious opinions. But we are still together on the journey.

 It reminds me of the words Jesus first spoke to his followers. “Come and follow me.” God always invites us to a journey. His invitation is to all of us and His invitation is life-long. The journey never stops. It has valleys and mountaintops. It leads through sorrow and celebration. It encompasses wonder, worship and war. It includes pain, poverty and prosperity.

Now that I am far past 64, the age our generation has sung about since we were young, I am grateful for the journey. I am grateful for the companions God has given me to travel with.  And I am grateful for Jesus who invited me to follow Him when I was young and still leads me when I am old.

 “You have been borne by me from birth and have been carried from the womb.  Even to your old age I will be the same, and even to your graying years I will bear you! I have done it and I will carry you” (Isaiah 46:3-4).