A First Step to Health and Wholeness

As Maxim Naumov waited for the results of his figure-skating performance at the Winter Olympics, he held up a photo of himself at age 8 standing between his mother and father.  His parents were 1994 world champion pairs skaters.  They died last year in the Potomac River crash, passengers on the ill-fated American Eagle flight 5342.  Maxim stated, "I would not be sitting here without the unimaginable work, effort and love from my parents.”

 Jordan Stolz won his second gold medal with an Olympic record in the 500-meter speed skating event. His parents, Dirk and Jane, introduced Jordan to skating at age 5 on a frozen pond near their house in  Kewaskum, WI. He credits his parents, who are born again Christians, for instilling him with discipline and faith.

 Athletes in every sport give credit to their parents. Regardless of nationality or ethnicity; regardless of whether we are rich or poor, most of us have this urge to keep the fifth commandment: “Honor your father and your mother.” It is, as the Apostle Paul reminded us, the first commandment with a promise: “that your days may be long upon the earth.”

 My father died of multiple myeloma when he was 53.  I held his hand as he drew his last breath. He never held an office. Never taught a class. He operated the elevator at our church, ran the sound system and served as a deacon.  More than 800 attended his funeral.

 I never heard him speak one word of profanity. He loved our mother and he loved us.  He was always full of laughter. I saw him choose to be wronged rather than risk wronging others.  The night before he died, he sent a get well card to a friend who was on another floor of the hospital. 

 My mother likewise loved God and sought to serve others. She lived as a widow after my father’s death for 35 years.  She chaperoned special-needs kids on the bus and sat with them at church. She volunteered at the local hospital. The day before she died my children gathered around her bed.  We prayed together and she blessed them.

 Of course, not all fathers and mothers are good.  The relationship between parent and child can be the source of life’s greatest joy as well as its greatest pain. Some live their lives haunted by resentment and anger toward their parents. 

 We somehow sense, as witnessed by our obsession with the parent-child relationship in books and movies, that this relationship is essential to health and wholeness. We hear it in King Lear’s complaint, “How sharper than a serpent’s tooth is a thankless child!”  We find it in John Steinbeck’s East of Eden, Luke Skywalker’s discovery that Darth Vador is his father, or Ray Kinsella building a baseball diamond in his Iowa corn field to “ease his pain.”    All of these stories, and thousands more, reflect our urge to be reconciled to those who gave us birth. 

 Health and wholeness for each of us starts with the fifth commandment, “Honor your father and mother.” Regardless of past hurts, oversights or failures, regardless of our parents’ response, we are to honor mother and father.