We just returned from a 4-day Bahama cruise with all our
children and grandchildren, seventeen of us, a gift from our children on my
wife’s 75th birthday. The joy of multiple generations who treasure
and value one another is inexpressible. In all generations and cultures, it is
the family that forms the foundation for fulfillment. My wife and I were
overwhelmed, not just that our children wanted to express their love for us,
but that they love each other and want to be together.
Over the years we learned that nothing is as challenging as
being a parent. Children have no off
button. They cannot be put in the closet
like clothes, turned off and parked like cars or placed in a kennel like
pets. They are on a constant quest:
poking, prodding, pushing, pulling and climbing.
When our children were little, we didn’t know you could
strap them down in the back seat. No one told us about car seats. As soon as
they got in the car, they looked for buttons to push and knobs to twist. When I turned on the key the blinkers
blinked, windshield wipers wiped, and the radio blared.
They grew up to be responsible adults. But the path wasn’t easy. Every passage brought new challenges: the
first day of school, a move from familiar neighborhoods to a new city, puberty,
a driver’s license, dating, computer games, technology, college and a career. Parenting requires a constant learning curve
that never stops, even after children are grown and on their own. Relationships constantly change and adjust.
As a parent, you are always entering new and unfamiliar territory.
I found across the years that there is no “fix it” book for
parenting, no “cure-all,” “read this,” or “do this” simple solution. Every child is different, and every parenting
situation has its unique challenges. But
there are some essential tools that make the difference: patience, consistency,
authenticity, trust, love, faith, and a listening ear. Most of us don’t come naturally equipped with
these essential tools. Most of us must
learn them and acquire them while we are on the job. And all of us have room
for improvement.
The Bible says that John the Baptist introduced Jesus to the
world by “turning the hearts of the fathers to their children,” (Luke 1:17). Every generation must struggle against the
natural desires of the flesh: envy, jealousy, resentment, anger and self
indulgence. These attitudes destroy the family. The fruits of the spirit, on
the other hand, establish the family: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness and self-control,” (Galatians 5:22-23).
When our hearts are right with God so that we are producing
these fruits, we will be good parents.
Then we will be able to fulfill the Scripture’s instruction, “Do not
exasperate your children, instead, bring them up in the teaching and
instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4).