The Secret of a Successful Marriage

The University of Georgia conducted a study some time ago to discover the secret to a successful marriage.  The study discovered one primary factor in marriages that were health and happy.  In every case, those marriages included gratitude.  According to their findings, gratitude was the “most consistent significant predictor” of a happy marriage.

Allen Barton, lead author of the study, said, “It goes to show the power of ‘thank you.’” Associate professor and study co-author Ted Futris stated, “Feeling appreciated and believing that your spouse values you directly influences how you feel about your marriage, how committed you are to it, and your belief that it will last.”

Each bride and groom stands at the marriage altar beaming with gratitude for the “love of their life.” And, it is easy to remain thankful for each other as long as things go well. 

But all married couples will face difficult demands. Hard times will come. Many will experience financial stress, competing demands from in-laws, professional pressure from their jobs, exhausting schedules that leave little time for rest. Most will experience the stress of parenting: sleepless nights with newborns, the constant attention required by preschoolers and the complicated schedules of school, sports and activities as children grow.

It is especially during these stressful periods of life that gratitude matters.  Many marriages crumble under the pressure, choosing to play the “blame-game”, creating a downward spiral that ends in disaster.  Others choose gratitude, building one another up with appreciation and thankfulness under trying circumstances.  These marriages prosper and survive.  According to Allen Barton, “Even if a couple is experiencing distress and difficulty in other areas, gratitude in the relationship can help promote positive marital outcomes."

What Barton and Futris found regarding marriage can also apply to the family.  Strong families are created when parents express gratitude to their children and children are grateful to their parents. Gratitude in the family starts with the marriage.  Children learn to be grateful by watching their parents. 

Nothing cultivates a heart of gratitude better than faith in Christ. When we experience God’s love in Christ, we become more thankful for others.  In Colossians, the Apostle Paul writes, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15). 

And again, “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. (Colossians 2:6-7).  “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

We all enjoy being around people who are grateful and thankful. They cheer us up. They give us energy.

Space 2.0

I have been fascinated with space exploration ever since my middle school science class watched John Glenn launch into orbit on a black and white TV in 1962.  In high school I corresponded with our congressman Olin Teague, who became chairman of the House Committee on Science and Astronautics. He sent me a 1,000+ page tome of the NASA space program in 1964.  Apollo 8 launched on our wedding day, December 21, 1968.  Three days later we listened to the crew read the Genesis account as they orbited the moon.

I have long wondered what went wrong, why we have not returned to the moon in the last half-century.  I expected by this time we would be living in a world best described by Arthur C. Clarke in 2001 A Space Odyssey or 2010 The Year We make Contact.  Space 2.0 helps put all that in perspective.

A few weeks ago, Stan Rosen, one of my high school classmates, gave me a copy of Space 2.0. The book summarizes the history of space exploration, its current status and projections for future development. Written by Rod Pyle with a Foreword by Buzz Aldrin, the book is dedicated to Stan.

We are apparently on the cusp of an explosion in space exploration, including a burgeoning space economy with private enterprise as a major player in developing infrastructure and innovation.  Unlike Space 1.0 (the moon landing Space Shuttle and the International Space Station), the next chapter of space exploration will be driven by entrepreneurs and investors like SpaceX, Blue Origin, Virgin Galactic and Space Angels. Some are well on their way.

So, as a people of faith, how do we respond to this unprecedented moment in time?

Pyle writes, “It is instructive to listen to what some of the people who have traveled to space have to say.  Their viewpoints are unique– and are often formed by seeing Earth from space, a vantage point referred to as the ‘overview effect.’  This phenomenon was identified by Stan Rosen in 1976 …  The resulting impulse prompts the astronauts to share their feelings about the fragility of the earth, the pettiness of human conflict, and the need to work cooperatively for the betterment of all humanity.” 

Apollo 8’s reading from Genesis on our first foray beyond earth’s gravity is symbolic, if not prophetic.  We carry our faith with us into the heavens.  Since God is the creator of it all He knows the farthest star and all the planets, asteroids and comets in between.  The further we probe, the greater the mysteries we find and the more we stand in awe. It seems to me God would want us to explore the heavens with vision, creativity and humility. He designed us for this. 

“He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them. Great is our Lord and abundant in strength; His understanding is infinite” (Psalms 147:4-5).

What's In It For Me?

October baseball is here.  Major League teams have played 162 games over six months for this moment.  Stadiums are packed with hopeful fans. As I write the Yankees and Astros are battling it out for the American League pennant and the right to meet either Washington or St. Louis in the World Series. There is nothing quite like baseball.

The 1989 movie, Field of Dreams is rated number five among the favorite baseball movies of all time. In the story, Ray Kinsella responds to a “voice” that urges him to build a baseball diamond, complete with lights, in the middle of his Iowa corn field.  After doing everything the “voice” commands him to do, Ray is stunned to see Shoeless Joe Jackson and some of the greats of the game emerge from his cornfield to play the game as they did in their youth.

The story climaxes with an invitation from Shoeless Joe to join them in the cornfield, a dimension beyond the edges of this world. But Ray, who has risked everything to build the field, is not invited. Instead, Jackson invites the cynical 1960s writer, Terrence Mann.  Ray explodes in a fit of frustration demanding, “What’s in it for me?”  To which Shoeless Joe asks, “Is that why you did this Ray, for what’s in it for you?”

                                                          

It is a good question.  According to experts in marketing, it is the question we all ask when we consider purchasing any product or joining any organization. In our age of seeker-sensitive churches, it seems to be the dominant question asked by anyone considering a church. “What’s in it for me?” But, is it the right question?

When Jesus invited Peter, James and John to leave their home, their families and their boats, I wonder how He would have responded if they had asked, “What’s in it for me?” Perhaps He would have responded as He did when the young man with great possessions refused to give up his wealth.  How much do we miss of what God has for us because we are so focused on “What’s in it for me?”

Jesus’ invitation to join Him on life’s eternal journey sounds strangely different than our twenty-first century marketing plans.  Jesus said, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” (Matthew 16:24-25). 

Perhaps what is “in it” for us is the same thing that was “in it” for Jesus: the pleasure that comes from obedience to the Father. “My food,” Jesus said, “is to do the will of Him who sent Me” (John  4:34).  When the Apostle Paul reached the end of his journey, he measured it in this way, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith;” (2 Timothy 4:7). “I did not prove disobedient to the Heavenly vision.” (Acts 26:19).

I Want the Best For You

A year ago Amber Guyger returned to her apartment after a long day as a Dallas police officer to find what she thought was a intruder in her home. She drew her gun and fired, killing a young black man, 26-year-old Botham Jean.  Only it wasn’t her home. The apartment she entered was one floor directly above her own and the man she killed was her neighbor, at home eating a bowl of ice cream.

Amber, who is white, was fired from the Dallas Police force.  It has taken a year for the trial to work its way through the courts.  Last Tuesday, October 1, the jury unanimously found Amber Guyger guilty of murder.  She was sentenced to 10 years in prison without possibility of parole.  Many celebrated the fact that a police officer was held accountable for killing an unarmed and innocent young black man.  Mr. Jean’s mother, Allison Jean, raised her hands and cried “God is good.”  Others were jubilant.

But the courtroom was stunned when the victim’s brother, Brandt Jean, asked permission to speak.  Nervously tugging at his collar, Brandt looked at Ms. Guyger and said, “I’m not going to say I hope you rot and die, just like my brother did, but I personally want the best for you. And, I wasn’t going to say this in front of my family or anyone, but I don’t even want you to go to jail.  I want the best for you. Because, that is exactly what Botham would want you to do.  And the best is to give your life to Christ.” He paused, wiped his eyes and spoke to the judge. “I don’t know if this is possible, but, can I give her a hug?” The judge consented.

Brandt Jean met his brother’s killer in front of the judge’s bench.  He said to her, “If you are truly sorry, I know … I speak for myself, I forgive you. And I know if you go to God and ask him, He will forgive you.”  They embraced one another as they wept.

The courtroom that a few minutes before was jubilant with vengeance fell silent except for the sound of people sobbing.  Even the judge wiped her eyes. And, once the court room was cleared, embraced Guyger and gave her a Bible. None of this, of course, changes anything in terms of the verdict and the sentence that Amber Guyger will serve. But it changes everything in the matters for the heart. 

The scene was replayed repeatedly on the national media.  It ignited conversations on network talk shows.  People began discussing the power of Divine forgiveness.  A glimmer of light flickered on the national stage that perhaps our conversation could change from prejudice, vengeance, resentment and rage to acceptance, forgiveness and love. 

Jesus said, “For if you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (Matthew 6:14).  When Peter asked Him, “’Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven’” (Matthew 18:21-22).

The Apostle Paul wrote, “Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other jus as God in Christ has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32).

Jesus gave us the supreme example when he hung upon the Cross, blood dripping from his wounds, surrounded by violent men who cursed Him and spat upon Him.  He lifted His eyes to heaven and prayed, "’Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing’” (Luke 23:34).